Do the Dew

Mountain Dew. The drink of champions. Or should I say, failures. It seriously has become an addiction! I think I have legit Mountain Dew withdrawals. Nooo bueno. Ever since the introduction of vending machines in high school, I have been going crazy on caffeine. One a day. Def not good. It eventually go to the point of not just one a day. It became two... then three.... Then yesterday I found myself downing 4 of them in one day! SO bad. ARGH.

The fact (or should I say RUMOR) that Mountain Dew helps decrease my chances of having children in the future is not something that makes some people happy. But dear friends, it is just a rumor!

"In the late 1990's, a new rumor about Mountain Dew began circulating around. At times, it still rears its head today. Unlike the "caffeine rumor", this rumor specifically targeted the male population. It probably even stopped some younger guys from drinking the popular soft drink. This rumor stated that drinking Mountain lowered a man's sperm count. Not only that, but drink Mountain Dew and you'll notice your male appendage growing smaller in size.

The alleged culprit is a chemical known as Yellow 5. It's also known as Tartrazine. Supposedly, Mountain Dew contains a large amount of this dye. That's why it was targeted. The truth of the matter is that this dye has been used since 1916. You can find it in Mountain Dew, soups, candy, jelly, macaroni and cheese box mixes, mustard, Kool-Aid and a host of other prepackaged products. According to the Food and Drug Administration, Yellow 5 is safe for consumers.

However, a little known fact about Mountain Dew Soft Drink is, if your sensitive to Tartrazine, you may have an allergic reaction to it. I think the number is 0.12% of the American population is thought to be sensitive to this chemical.

In children particularly, Yellow 5 is attributed to problems with hyperactivity and ADHD."

I don't think I am sensitive to Tartrazine. But some of you who hang with me would probably laugh at the last part of that nice shpeel about Yellow 5. ANYWAYS, I know it's a HORRIBLE thing to be putting into my body, let alone more than once DAILY.

Slowly but surely (and with the help of others) I will be decreasing my intake of this delicious, yet harmful drink.

I want to live till 100!

"Mountain Dew" by KJ-52

Well hello everybody,

Welcome to MDA, that’s Mountain Dew Anonymous, for those who have

abuse problems with mountain dew. We have a new member today his name is KJ-52.

KJ why don’t you introduce yourself (Hi KJ).

My Name is KJ-52 and I’m addicted to Mountain dew.

Tell the people a little bit about what happened.

Ohh what am I gonna do,

I’m addicted to mountain Dew,

When I drink just one to two

These people say “what’s wrong with you man?”

I start acting like fool,

from all the caffeine and the sugar too.

I’m feeling like I aint got a clue.

And it’s just what I’m gonna say to you,

(Chorus)

Uh gimme dat Mountain Dew,

Uh gimme dat Mountain Dew,

Uh gimme dat Mountain Dew,

I aint playin with you,

You better gimme my Mountain dew!

(Repeat)

Well KJ I know that must be tough to talk about (it is, it’s hard)

But part of recovery is talking about how it starts,

Explain how this started.

Well it started while I was on tour,

I had to stay awake, I went to the store

Then I loaded up and I bought like four

And I just kept taking more and more

All of a sudden it happened to me,

Just for some reason I couldn’t fall asleep.

Maybe it was the sugar and the caffeine

Not sure, but I started to scream

(Repeat Chorus)

Well KJ I know that was painful to talk about, (it was painful, I’m sorry)

But you know you can over come this addiction.

(I can?)

You just have to admit that you have a problem.

I’ve got a problem I just can’t help it,

Somebody help I think I’m addicted,

Every day I gotta just have it,

I can’t help it it’s just a habit,

I’ve got a problem, I get it

I’m an addict I’ll admit it

And I promise I’m gonna quit it

Hey, that Mountain Dew over there, anybody gonna finish it?

KJ you need to put the mountain dew down, (‘couz I’m sayin’ if you aint gonna finish it)

KJ I, you need, back away from the Mountain Dew (I’ll, I’ll take it)

KJ BACK AWAY FROM THE MOUNTAIN DEW NOW, MAN I AINT PLAYIN’ WITH YOU, MAN!! (all right)

(repeat chorus)

Sorry I don’t now what came over me,

Uh, sorry

You didn’t have to hit me.