Change? No. Growth.

[Since no one reads this blog, the following will be just me rambling on and on about me trying to explain what has been going on. If you just want the simplified version, SKIP this crazy stuff and scroll down to the bottom to the "SO WHAT AM I SAYING?"]

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Here we are at the end of November, FINALLY entering into the season of Advent! Whooo!!!

I must say these past two months have been VERY interesting. A lot of change has taken place. Although, I don't want to just label it all as change. Because 98% of it was more "growth."

I guess you can say that things were going pretty well since this past year began. I had started developing an intriguing passion for worship, one that was different than the previous year. I had been talking with one the leaders at the church and sharing with them this passion for worship which eventually lead me to creating a band and along with it, weekly worship sessions on Saturday nights. It was amazing. For a while, those Saturday night Jesus rock sessions were what kept me occupied, along with the volunteer work I was doing during the Sunday mornings and during the week (mostly for the youth on Wednesday nights). Things were great. Pretty steady.

The past 9-10 months I have been a relationship with someone who is now my best friend and someone I truly love. It started with just friendly flirting (which is what smashing a cupcake and pie into a girl's face means) and 9 months later, I am convinced that she's the one. If you actually read my stuff on here then you've been following... But anyways, keep this in mind...

Soooo band, church stuff, beautiful girl.

Late summer ish till now.

Band has played its last weekly service and we planned to move forward with our ministry. Kind of got lost. We continue to practice and play a couple places here and there. Fast forward up till about now and I lost some members that I thought would have stayed with me through the rough. But I guess it's whatever. It took me a bit (a couple of months) but I finally got a crew that told me they are willing to help me out with the 'next phase' in the band with the 'new project'.

Church stuff was hard. For the whole year I had been doing what I enjoyed most running sound and video for the youth on Wednesday nights and helping with big church stuff on Sunday mornings. But in September I had a talk with some people from the church and they said that it would be best if stepped down from the youth group. September would be my last week with them. First week of October, I was LOST. Well, mostly at that point I was still confused and a little angered. But since I do serve a GREAT God, He opened a door for me. In just two short days, I was able to pick up something that not very many people would have: the church's possessional lighting system (crazy expensive lighting board). Apparently the church was in need of another person to be able to learn the system but since the one and only person that knows how to do is has not had the time to teach anyone, God decided He just wanted to teach me. Simple as that.

Like I said before, if you've been reading my stuff (which is probably all of 2 people) then you may have seen how the relationship between this girl and I have developed. I don't want to just simplify it by saying that 10 months ago I just had this crush on this girl and fast forward until now by saying that I am convinced that she is the one. A) That is sketch B) You'd probably say I'm crazy and dumb. C) If you actually learned of how... different this relationship is compared to others, you'd actually call me the king of sketch D) SKETCH! But once again, this whole thing is another story in itself. But the point of this piece of writing (if you can even call it that) is to show the crazy and amazing and intense the change and growth that has taken part over the past few months.

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Soooo quick recap.

1. Music and worship and all was going good. Experienced lots.

2. Church involvement was fun and exciting. Learned lots.

3. Relationship with girl was growing more. Understood lots.

Buuuuut then things happened between mid-September through end of November and here I am looking back and what really happened.

First, we will start with the worship/music part of it. I started those weekend worship nights wanting to "rock out for Jesus" and invite whoever wants to come. Throughout the year I learned a lot about what the whole "worship" thing really is. Basically, everything we do should be in worship to God. Heck, we were made to worship right?

Psalm 100

¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

² Worship the LORD with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

³ Know that the LORD is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his^{a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]};

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 102:18

¹⁸ Let this be written for a future generation,

that a people not yet created may praise the LORD:

Not only has this thirst and hunger for worship fueled my passion, it has also helped me to form and strengthen my relationship with God. Which is FREAKIN AWESOME. Something that has been lacking in the past couple of years. The band (miraculously) is somehow still together. I lost a lot of key people because we had not played often and they all had their reasons. It was hard to have to accept all that but if that's not where God wanted them then it is what is is! But God doesn't just take things away... He provides. I may have lost some band members in the past two months but God provided. And this team is good to go on what he wants us to do. Which leads me to my next thing. Movement 5280. Downtown Youth drop-in center. (I will write more about it in a separate blog post) Pretty much God wants me to lead worship EVERY Friday night and reach out to youth in the downtown Denver area that don't know about the Love of Christ. So therefore since He instilled in me the passion to worship, He wanted to give me the opportunity to express that in the way I want to (Jesus rock) and use it for His Glory and to further the kingdom. AWESOME. Totally excited for it. Like I said, more to be written about this soon. Wednesday nights I used to run sound and stuff for the youth. But since that is no longer my place, I was once again lost. But would it surprise you that God just wanted to put me in another place that would be more useful? The college aged Bible study group has been meeting on Wednesday nights this past year and has been pretty solid. But after lots of talks with the college aged pastor and what his vision is and where he wants to go, I eventually found myself excited to lead worship every Wednesday night as it is growing from a simple Bible study to becoming an actual night of worship. SWEET.

This past year I have learned A LOT as I've had the opportunity to volunteer within the media support that exists for the church. I've learned so much about sound, lighting, and video engineering by watching and doing all thanks to those at the church that allowed me to participate in so many occasions and especially to God for giving me the sharp mind that I have to pick things up so fast and easy. It's crazy to think that I have messed with equipment that costs more than I can think of. The best way to learn is to do and with every treasured moment I had I took advantage and learned as much as I could. After these past two months, I am feeling the calling to thank all those for the experiences and knowledge that I have acquired throughout the year and to take it and actually apply it, once again for the Glory of God to further the Kingdom. How you might ask? (Or if you've actually read this far and actually care to ask any questions) Then the answer would be, with the drop-in center. I am being called into ministry outside of the church into downtown Denver, where it is needed more. Am I good with that? Heck yes I am.

And if there is anything this past year that is the greatest.... Well you know pretty much ;-) So what's with all this talk about change or growth Josh? If I want to put a time or date or whatever it will probably be in September when I had some conversations about why it would be best for me to start making some adjustments. Like why I had to step down from the youth group. Sure it sucked. And I could say it was because of my relations with the girl. Although saying that makes it sound bad right? Well at first I thought so too. But in all seriousness to put it super simple, they helped me to realize that since the relationship I had with a certain someone was something I (as well as others) strongly believed in, they thought that it would be best for me to step down/move forward with what I am doing, simply for the protection of the relationship and the relationships surrounding it. Make sense? It totally didn't to me. Because at that point I was still just "hanging out with her." It was then that I slowly was starting to realize that my feelings for her and the relationship we had was more than it actually was. As I gave more and more of it to God, He has been showing me that she might just be the one. I can write a whole other post about why that is so crazy (and I probably will. Just not in this one.) All in all, it has been amazing to have developed so much and to come so far as we have. We've still got 4 to 5 years of getting to know each other, yet these past 10 months have already been so much.

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SO WHAT AM I SAYING?

Wow. I wrote a lot. And if you read all of that, you sure have a lot of time on your hands ;-)

BUT, that was all just me getting stuff out of my head. The actual point of all that was because these past two weeks I felt like I am "on the end of the gear shift" of life. Just like the title says, I'm not going through a change, but rather a growth. I am learning to let some things go and accept others. I am looking back and thank God for all that I have experienced and learned. I realize that these past couple of weeks were just transition weeks (which are always hard) but now I am finally about begin the next phase. I am preparing myself for this next year and what God has planned for me. Exciting things are on the way!

PRAISE THE LORD! GIVE THANKS TO THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD AND HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!